I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Randomize
