So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
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