So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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