I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
