how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Randomize
