pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
