I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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