My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize