I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
