I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
