I like to think it a success when the cops are called
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
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