that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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