If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
