sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
my penis made a compromise with my morals
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
