We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
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