saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize