I love black thongs
accomplished twins. life is a go
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
