hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
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