Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
