Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
