how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
