do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
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