is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
