hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
we're making bets on your personal life
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Randomize
