i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
