just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize