Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize