I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Randomize
