you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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