I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Watching her eat just hurts me
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
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