After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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