You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
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