theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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