I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
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