I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
