It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
