sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Randomize
