we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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