direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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