your thong is hanging out like whoa
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
