You work out of a Hotel?
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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