There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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