I think I died a long time ago.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
