I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
