alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
