Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I checked into jail on foursquare
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
