My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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