I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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