He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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