alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Randomize
