i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
