i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize