i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
