Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I should be sponsored by Trojan
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
