I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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