But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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