his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
When did angry sex become our thing?
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
How drunk are you?
Completed.
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