He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
