I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Randomize
