The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize
