hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Randomize
