When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Randomize
