shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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