I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Randomize
