Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize