I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
He told me they were just razor bumps!
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Randomize
