call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
porn star boner night. come get it.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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