a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Randomize
