im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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