you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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